Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
