Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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