Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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