All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
