i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize