I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
