believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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