i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
