I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
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I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
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I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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