i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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