I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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