something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
