as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
