there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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