you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
