Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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