this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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