maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
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I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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