Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just want to make out with him forever
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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