I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
