I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i drank out of a bidet.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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