Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
