What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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