so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
