R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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