Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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