I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
