So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's Friday. Sex?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
not ubering you a puppy
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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