Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
