Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
