i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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