Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
