You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
