do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
