At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize