everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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