I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
