why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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