Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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