he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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