These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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