Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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