people are starting to question the shark bite story
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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