My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Randomize
