Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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