I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
