oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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