Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Houston, we have a blender
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
