So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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