I'm really into asian looking animals
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
