We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
