I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
