Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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