2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
