Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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