I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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