I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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