dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
