my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
