I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I FOUND THE LEGS
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
