I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
