I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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