tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
