i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
