2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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