and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize