If that was your dad, he is hot
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
